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Trump Shouts about ‘Fake News’ as Entirety of Congress Resigns

18 February 2017

By Lois

The entirety of the Trump administration has resigned, leaving Donald Trump as the first ever President to have to run America absolutely on his own. Trump has said “It’s fine, I’m doing fine. I am absolutely in the best position possible to do this… the news will say I can’t, but I built a business empire alone, I can do this alone… all that stands between me and a great America is fake news.”

Astonishing scenes were witnessed earlier this morning as a mass of politicians and civil servants simply walked out of congress, led by Mike Pence. Sources have said the walkout came as a result of a heated argument between Pence and Trump over whether to buy Putin a yacht or a holiday home, which climaxed in Pence, Jeff Sessions (Attorney General) and Secretary of Defence James Mattis leading a total exodus of congress.

There are rumours that the radical move may inspire a similar withdrawal from the White House general staff. There are reports of unrest since Trump has been forced to draft in kitchen staff to assist him in writing bills to block immigration from the entire Eastern hemisphere. One young cook told us, “I work here to chop peppers and poach eggs, I’m not even sure what most of this legislation is. Trump called me into his office and said, “Son, I need you to help me draft these amendments”. When I tried to say I couldn’t help him, he began shouting over me that it was people like me who put our country in the gutter, and I should learn to do what I’m told.”

Pence and the other leaders of the walkout are yet to make a public statement on the issue, but sources close to the former vice-president have said he fears for what Trump may do on his own and that he never meant for it to get this far. Civil servants can be spotted in large groups in subway stations all over Washington, and they are expected to head for New York in light of their sudden detachment from the Trump administration. Trump is due to make a full address to the press in the next few hours, but questions have arisen over whether or not any press will actually be attending.

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