Film review: The Meg

I was more excited about this film than I was for Infinity War. It’s a shark, but it’s really big. It’s so stupid it couldn’t possibly be anything less than hilarious.

The Meg is the latest film that will try to convince you that you’re watching Jaws. Sidenote: Does anyone else think it’s weird that sharks have their own film genre? We have shark movies, but it’d be weird if I was recommending the new giraffe movie. We don’t have crocodile or lion genres so why the special treatment for oceanic predators?

If you’re wondering why I’m spending so much time pondering this, it’s because there’s not really much to say about The Meg. It’s not as entertainingly stupid as I was hoping. It’s not overly incompetent. And it’s certainly not legitimately good so I felt a bit let down.

Don’t get me wrong, the plot is ludicrous, the science is titteringly nonsensical and the characters are all idiots but these things aren’t as dialled up as they could have been. This film about a giant shark makes more logical sense than Skyscraper. I wish they’d leaned a bit more into the whole B-movie cheesy shlock than they ended up doing.

It’s very noticeable that they scientifically designed The Meg to make money. Pandering to Chinese movie audiences isn’t an inherently bad thing (the US isn’t the centre of the universe) but when it’s so transparent it steals a bit of the fun. I also suspect that this film was designed with the hateful 4D in mind. There were multiple 4D showings and it is odd how much time the enormous monster with a mouthful of razor-sharp teeth spends ramming things. If I didn’t know any better I’d say it’s a way of catering the film to a moving-seat 4D experience.

In the end, The Meg ended up being a bit of a generic killjoy. There was only one moment where I laughed out loud and, compared to the potential this film had, that disappointed me. If you’re looking for a hilarious Jason Statham joint this week, I’d recommend just buying a DVD of Crank.