Best Biscuits Ranked

Often, it’s the little things that help to keep us going and for me, among one or two other edible treats and a good book, it’s biscuits. (Once, while enduring some particularly stressful period I can’t remember the root of, I stress ate a whole rather large packet of bourbons and it has to be said I felt a lot better afterwards. Although, PSA, stress eating is rarely a good idea.) Biscuits are for any occasion and come in all shapes and sizes: chocolate, ginger, hard, soft – an endless array of biscuit-y goodness. So I have ranked my favourite biscuits in reverse order, to show my appreciation for all biscuits and what I feel they have done for me on an emotional level.

5. Chocolate Digestives – These are, for most people, a firm favourite, and when enjoyed dipped in good strong tea, serve as the ultimate ‘simple’ biscuit. I have developed a scale of biscuit complexity, the ins and outs of which are for another time, but I may go into it briefly throughout this article. ‘Simple’ biscuits are the fairly plain verities, and a handy way to look at it is any biscuits with one layer and no cream or jam. But this rule is not entirely consistent, as non-traditional biscuits with fillings or chocolate chips do tend to complicate things.

4. Breakaway – These are a controversial addition, since they come individually wrapped, although due to their size and clear biscuit centre, I feel it a reasonable add to the list. A godfather of chocolate biscuits, so to speak, since it encases a biscuit entirely with chocolate, and is superior to Kit Kats as Kit Kats only contain a mere wafer, the poor man’s biscuit, and can thus be disqualified from the list altogether. On more than one occasion, my uncle has found an entirely chocolate breakaway, a feat I was so in awe of when I was younger I have since made it my life’s mission to find an entirely chocolate breakaway.

3. Jammy Dodgers – A ‘medium’ complexity biscuit (note the jam and two layers), which is always popular. I can’t recall ever having met more than two people who disliked jammy dodgers, and it is due to this universal fondness for some jammy goodness they find a place on my list.

2. Bourbons/Custard Creams – These, controversially, have been placed together on the list. ‘But they are entirely different!’ I hear you cry, but I argue on the contrary. They both include a soft filling, encased within two biscuits; the only difference is one is chocolate and the other is not. Also, it was far too difficult to put one above the other, and I feel they both deserve a high place on the list.

1. Viennese Whirls – Viennese Whirls are, of course, the most coveted of all the biscuits. A complex biscuit, with two layers and jam and cream. Crumbling, melt-in-the-mouth biscuit complemented by the soft and silky fillings. Undoubtedly much classier and more elegant than your regular rough and ready Hob Nob. Very much for special occasions, this is a biscuit better eaten in small amounts, in order to be properly savoured and the full flavour enjoyed.

Who knew biscuits could be so complicated!?